Ballguard : A Revolutionary Advancement in Testicle Technology - Ballsy

Ballguard : A Revolutionary Advancement in Testicle Technology

by Brock Cady March 03, 2020

Ballguard : A Revolutionary Advancement in Testicle Technology


Are you still powdering your balls like a pilgrim? If you’re still using messy and unsafe talcum powders, then we regret to inform you that the answer is yes you are. Look, we’ve moved on from the horse and buggy and the butter churner – it’s time for scrotal cleanliness to enter the world of modern convenience. Thankfully, Ballguard Liquid Powder is a revolutionary advancement in testicle technology that will change your life.  



One of our latest creations in a long line of funk-fighting innovation, Ballguard Liquid Powder is about as simple and effective as it gets. Simply drop trou, apply to your thighs and balls, wait a solid thirty seconds for the cream to transform into a silky powder, and you’re off. The lotion makes it so much easier to apply and cover only the areas you need to cover without looking like you just violated a chalkboard. Instead, you’ll be left with a thin layer of silky smoothness that reduces chafing and eliminates odor. No powdery leftovers, no Crisco thighs, no sticky suffocation, just perfectly refreshed balls (and thighs)!


Your Boys Deserve Safe Ingredients

We understand. If ever there’s a time to be a little conscientious about ingredients, it’s when those ingredients are going to be slathered all over your biscuits on a regular basis. For that reason, we made sure to use only safe, effective ingredients while leaving out the harsh additives. Let’s take a look at what our Ballguard Liquid Powder doesn’t contain first. 

What We Left Out

-Talcum Powder




-Synthetic Dyes

What We Put In

Water, Tapioca Starch, Propanediol "Zemea", Phenoxyethanol, Carborner, Ethylhexylglycerin, Aminomethyl propanol, Polysorbate-60, Xanthan Gum, Aloe Barbadensis, Leaf Juice, Coco-Caprylate/Caprate, Avena Sativa, Kernel Extract.

As always, Ballguard Liquid Powder is made in the USA, and it’s reinforced by a 30-Day Money Back Guarantee. We recommend using a quarter-sized amount of cream. Apply it to your palm, then rub hands together before applying to your balls, inner thighs, and wherever else you’d like to freshen up. 



Take Ballguard Liquid Powder Anywhere

Suffice it to say, there are some things that the 90-second shower between your workout at the gym and that interview just won’t get out. If you happen to notice with great dread that there’s a foulness burping out of your beltline as you’re rushing your way across town, there’s no need to panic. You can show up to that interview, or that date, or whatever else it is with the confidence that only a freshly renewed sac can provide. 

In fact, Ballguard Liquid Powder can be used in a dozen plus other ways, including:

-Longer formal events (weddings, ceremonies, etc.)

-Before workouts

-Plane rides

-Road trips

-Bike rides

-The construction yard

-At work or at school

-Camping, hiking, etc.

-After practice or workout

The number of ways and places in which you can apply Ballguard Liquid Powder is only limited by your imagination, friend. Update from the legal department: The applications are limited only by your imagination and federal laws prohibiting public nudity. Find a bathroom, experience the phase-shifting magic of this liquid powder for yourself, and emerge the sweet-smelling victor!  

Get Ballguard now!

Brock Cady
Brock Cady


Leave a comment

Comments will be approved before showing up.

Also in The Nuts

Elephant in the Room Time: Let’s Talk About Sex!
Elephant in the Room Time: Let’s Talk About Sex!

by Brock Cady May 07, 2020

When it’s time to go heels-to-Jesus with that certain someone, your scent can make the difference between Oscar-level commitment and a straight-to-DVD performance, if you catch our drift.

Continue Reading


by Brock Cady May 02, 2020

Formed from the heart of a dragon by the elder gods of a long-lost tradition, there lives an ancient warrior who sleeps for centuries in his hidden crypt, only waking to fulfill his solitary purpose in life: slaying all germs!

Continue Reading

The 9 Stages of Social Distancing During Coronavirus
The 9 Stages of Social Distancing During Coronavirus

by Brock Cady March 20, 2020

The sudden transition of habit-changing home dwelling can bring about a rollercoaster of emotions and new challenges to deal with. In order to prepare you for this, we’ve consulted our remote workers to bring you the 8 stages of coronavirus quarantine. Enjoy! 

Continue Reading