Sack Hack #3: Balls Are Just the Beginning for Sack Spray
As you well know by now, it is our mission to spread the good word of scrotal cleanliness throughout the land, giving the gift of freshness to all who receive our teachings with sweaty clackers and an open heart.
The road to cleanliness, however, doesn’t stop down there. Your hang-low parts are a reflection of you, and you are a reflection of your hangy-down parts. For that reason, we’ve formulated our Sack Spray to work in virtually every scenario, from your funky personage to your equally smelly belongings.
Your Body Is Your Sack’s Sack
Lush with gentle and nourishing ingredients like witch hazel, tea tree, and chamomile, our Sack Spray is more than safe for your pits, your rear end, and everywhere else on your body. There’s also no need to squint and squirm as you avoid the noxious, stinging fumes of some cheap-o “body spray” you got in your grocery store’s deodorant aisle. After all, yYou want to smell good and live another 40 years because flying cars, man, flying cars.
“But wait, there’s more!”
Sorry – I always wanted to say that.
In the Faaaace!
Seriously, we meant the “gentle and nourishing” thing. So much so, in fact, that you can even spritz this Sack Spray directly onto your face! That’s right, the essential oil content makes Sack Spray the perfect facial toner, helping the skin to firm up and shine with each application.
Alright, alright, let’s address the elephant in the room.
Look, we get that Sack Spray is primarily for your balls, which probably places an image of your scratchy satchel in your head when you think of our product, but remember – it’s a spray. There will be no cross-contamination between your balls and face unless you bypass the nozzle, dip a q-tip in there and go old school, to which our question is, “Dude, why?”
The future is now, friend. Now spray your face.
Gear Up.
To clarify, by “gear,” we don’t mean our 27th favorite euphemism for balls (the list is long and epic). In this case, the word refers to, like, your actual stuff. By “stuff,” we don’t mean – screw it, let’s just list it out. Your Sack Spray can be used to make all of these items smell as good as your newly sprayed crinkle twins:
We really mean whatever, too. It’s a simple equation. Add Sack Spray to any stinky entity in your vicinity and it will become not stinky. If that entity is an organic being with hopes, dreams, and thoughts, maybe asking permission would be ideal - if they deserve that luxury, that is.
Not so sure about branching out? Here’s what we recommend: start with the sack and work your way out. Spritz Sack Spray a couple of times on a balmy afternoon, thump your pants against your body to create a makeshift bellows, and let the sweet, sweet aroma of your freshly sprayed “scroatee” waft up to your nose like a pie in a windowsill. Once you’ve formed a relationship with the scent, you will want to spray it on everything and everyone!
Happy spritzing!
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Brock Cady
Author